Are Trauma Responses Sinful?
by Joe Leavell
Watching your brother and best friend breathe his last breath has a lasting impact on a person. This was my experience in October of 2015 as our immediate family watched my brother pass away at the age of 37 from melanoma cancer. The word “traumatic” is an apt description of the hellishness of death. I do not wish that painful experience on anyone, though I know that many reading this have already experienced similar or even greater levels of pain.
The week after my brother’s death, I found myself standing next to my wife in church where we were singing a hymn. In front of us was my brother’s casket, surrounded by his grieving wife and children. Before me was a pulpit where I would soon deliver the sermon he asked me to preach.
“Joe”, he had said just three weeks earlier, “Make sure they know I’m not the good guy. I deserve to die for my sin, but Jesus is the one who gives us hope. Make sure this isn’t a celebration of my life. Make sure it’s a celebration of the Gospel!
Those words still rang in my ears as I processed through sharing the message of the cross, and the hope of the resurrection to a couple hundred people who had come to pay their respects, several of whom were unbelievers. While I was prepared for what I would say, I was unprepared for how the deep gaping wound in my heart would impact me physically.
“I really need to go!” I whispered to my wife as the song continued on. That may not be what you were expecting to read, but it’s true. Now, I had made sure that my bladder had been emptied right before the service started so I was surprised. But, I HAD to relieve myself now! I slipped out and soon returned.
Soon there was one song before I would speak…and my bladder again was giving me fits. What was wrong with me??
At the time, I didn’t understand the medical reason behind what was happening, but the traumatic reality of the situation was affecting my body. The stress and grief were flushing my system. I snuck out to go for the third time in only 45 minutes.
This wasn’t the last thing that happened to me physically. In the next couple of months, my body’s response snowballed to other more serious health issues. Some continue to this day. To say that I have not been the same person since my brother died is true in many regards, but it is also true physically.
The Grief of the Cross
Some functionally believe that if I were truly walking right with the Lord, these physical responses would not have happened to me. Sure, you can have a good cry when someone dies, but then will be able to move on without lasting physical impact.
This viewpoint isn’t even exclusively given to those grieving over the death of their loved ones. It includes those who have experienced trauma on the battlefield, have been molested or raped, have experienced years of a physically and emotionally abusive husband, etc. These and others who are truly godly should press on, looking forward unaffected. Many spiritual people walking with God try hard to soldier on with a smile believing they should be unaffected and without impact.
This is bad theology and is a form of a health and wealth gospel that treats spirituality as a means to an end to achieving physical and emotional equilibrium. This form of trying to to use our walk with God to keep traumatic experiences from having an impact physically or mentally is a form of theistic humanism.
How can we know? Because Jesus Himself was highly affected physically in the Garden of Gethsemane from emotional grief before the cross. If your theology has no place for a Savior who sweat drops of blood from sheer torment over the grief and trauma of the coming impact of the cross, your theology is off.
Jesus Takes Our Sorrows and Griefs as His Own
When his friend Lazarus died, Jesus never rebuked his sisters for their grief. Though he knew he would shortly raise Lazarus from the dead, their pain affected him deeply. The Bible says that when he saw their tears, Jesus,
“was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.”
How did that deep pain in his spirit affect Jesus physically?
“Jesus wept.”
His tears were not from immaturity but from deep understanding and compassion. The “Man of Sorrows” was taking their griefs and sorrows and bearing them as his own. This impacted him deeply both emotionally and physically.
He was impacted physically by grief, not because of something wrong in his thinking, but because of what was right. His ability to experience the pain was far more acute than our fallen hearts can fathom, and so his experience was likely far worse than ours.
When Is A Trauma Response Sinful?
Our sin CAN cause remorseful grief that impacts our bodies as well, so sometimes the physical impact we experience is of our own creation. When our heart is bent towards self, our minds and bodies, and those around us pay the price.
The Bible describes this in many places. In 1 Kings 21 for example, King Ahab lost all of his appetite because he didn’t get his way with Naboth’s vineyard. In 2 Samuel 13, David’s son Amnon treacherously pined for his half-sister to the point that he became physically ill. In that way, Scripture shows us that our sinful hearts CAN turn our bodies toward dysfunction. These responses then are a manifestation of sinful, self-centered grief that comes from the loss of our own kingdom, not a mourning for His.
The Psalms also talk much about the physical impact of grief. Sometimes, he poetically even expresses the strain of God’s discipline for sin.
David expresses this in Psalm 38:2-3,
“Your arrows have sunk into me, and your hand has come down on me. There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation. There is no health in my bones because of my sin.”
He goes on to use many descriptors, expressing that his sides “burn,” that he has no health in his body, etc. Yet even in his physically and emotionally tumultuous experience, he cries out in hope to God!
Our Blessed Hope
In my brother’s death and in preaching before his funeral, I do not believe that I responded sinfully. I had cast my cares to God, and I was not anxious or worried about people pleasing. I understood the fallen world that has death and disease. I knew that Jesus is the only lasting hope we have. I was and continue to be completely confident that we will one day be reunited with my brother! I know that for him, his worst days are long behind and that he is doing more than fine today in the presence of his Savior.
To pull the curtain of counseling back a bit, I have seen that I’m not the only one who has experienced this. You would be surprised at how many people have to take a break during a counseling session or leave quickly right after to relieve their bladders. While I didn’t know it at the time, one of the most common responses to trauma and grief is the tightening of the bladder. It’s a physical response to internal stress. Counseling can be very emotionally taxing. I’m never surprised when someone wants to take a break 20 minutes into a conversation., nor do I accuse them of being weak in their faith.
Again, some teach a type of stoicism that would see these physical responses to the stress as an invalidation of the truth. They would see it as a lack of faith, a spiritual failure, or just plain spiritual immaturity. As such, many people who come to counseling and have experienced a lot of traumatic experiences in their lives have to work through unnecessary shame and guilt from the impact that it has had on them physically. Some have memory loss from childhood trauma. Others struggle to breathe when they are reminded of their spouse’s adultery. Still others experience insomnia. They have associated their body’s response as a lack of faith when in reality, more than anything, they need to see the care and compassion of their Savior who grieves with them and takes their grief as his own.
The Bible teaches us the reality that we groan under the weight of the curse, longing for our redemption. We grieve, not as those who have no hope, but we do indeed grieve. We yearn for our faith to be made sight and for death to meet its final end! These longings impact us deeply! As we grow in our faith and maturity, the MORE that desire for home impacts us, not less.
There is hope for you!
If you are someone who is struggling through trauma, any of our counselors at Biblical Counseling of Arizona would be honored to sit with you in that space and pour on you the love of Christ. While these physical responses are not sinful, it doesn’t mean that we cannot give healthy responses to them. God truly does bring lasting peace to our hearts and allows us to process spiritually and physically. His care for your trauma is the path to healing! Please reach out to us today!
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