Anxiety and a Lost Toddler
by Joe Leavell
One December night, when our youngest was around three years old, we met up with friends at a festival that was showcasing Christmas lights throughout a popular park in town. It was terribly busy, but the festival shined brightly with lights on all the trees and Christmas decorations all around. There were food trucks, crafts, vendors, street performers, and even some carolers.
Anyone who has had a three-year-old knows how quickly they can get bored and squirmy. He asked if he could get down off my shoulders and just hold my hand and walk. I said yes, but warned him to not let go of my hand no matter what, as the crowds were thick around us. As people moved forward through the displays, we came upon a street performance that caught our attention, and our group stopped to watch.
For a moment, I stood enjoying the sights and sounds, but then realization and panic struck me.
No one was holding my hand!
I cried out to our group that our son was missing, but he wasn’t with anyone else in our group. Though it had only been 10-20 seconds tops since I knew I had his hand, the crowds around us swirled by making every second seem to move in slow motion. Worst case scenarios instantly propelled themselves to the front of my mind with my baby boy being lost in the sea of people.
We yelled his name into the noisy throng in desperate, anxious tones. Nothing. How could we even look for him with so many people moving along the pathway!?
A small half wall was nearby, so I jumped up on it in order to enable me to see over all the hustle and bustle of people moving in all directions, and I shouted his name again.
There he was…my precious little guy…facing the opposite way! He had crossed to the other side of the sidewalk and…wait…where was he going?! NO! He was walking the other way, looking around hopelessly for his family that he had lost moments before. There was fear on his face and disorientation that obviously cried, “What do I do?? I don’t know what to do! Where are my parents?!”
I yelled his name again as I pushed toward him through the chaos with my wife on my heels. This time, he heard my voice and turned, scanning the crowd to find my face to match the voice he had heard.
He hadn’t quite been gone long enough to where he had fully panicked yet, but the fear and confusion remained on his face as he scanned to hear where my voice had come from.
He saw me!!! My wife and I both ran to him and embraced him! Instantly, his face changed from anxious fear to one of instant total relief. It was then that tears began to flow down his rounded cheeks as he sat in our arms, relieved that his parents had found him. He knew he was safe once again. His face looked visibly different as he hugged his momma’s neck.
The whole incident took less than a minute of time, but it felt like so much longer.
Unhelpful Counsel to the Anxious
I think this is a similar experience to some who suffer from anxiety and even panic attacks. There are many reasons for this level of suffering, but for many, the feeling is like the panic of being lost or trapped, unsure or unable to turn or know what to do – paralyzed with fear and worry. These feelings of anxiety can continually grow into full blown panic attacks where control over the body and mind are lost to the moment of anxiousness and hopelessness. In those moments of panic, there isn’t much to do but to make it through the episode until you regain full mental function.
For those who struggle, these unwanted feelings of anxiety often result in you feeling frustratingly helpless with no clue where to turn or what to do. Unlike my son, this isn’t just a few moments. They have been experiencing this level of anxiety for months, sometimes years, or even decades.
All the breathing exercises and mental reminders they’ve learned are helpful tools in the moment to control the body, but are often insufficient at addressing the core reasons behind the anxiety.
Then along comes someone who says, “You know, the Bible says it’s a sin to be anxious right?”
In those moments, these words feel about as helpful as they would to my three-year-old scanning the crowd for his parents, “You know, it’s sinful for you to be worried right now.” It’s unhelpful and almost condescending at best to someone who is a believer, but struggles with anxiety to hear those words. Why? Because anxiety feels like something being done to you, not coming from you. Telling someone who is a victim that they are sinning just piles on, which is how these words often come across.
Yet what do we do? In Philippians 4:6-7, Scripture says these very words,
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
There are those words then!
So here you are, struggling with a near panic attack reading these words “Do not be anxious” thinking, “Great! I don’t even know WHY I feel this way, but now I’m being told I’m somehow sinning because I feel so much anxiety and stress! I mean, I’ve been begging God with my prayers for this to stop but that peace that passes understanding certainly isn’t my experience here! What am I doing wrong?!”
The reason why these verses are often said in unhelpful ways, and why they would be cruel to speak into my little boy’s ear when he had lost his mom and dad, is because they do not accurately reflect the full thought of the passage. Read with me the words in verse 5 that are written right before “Do not be anxious”,
“The Lord is at hand;”
The whole message of, “Do not be anxious” hinges squarely on these crucial words.
The Importance of God’s Presence
Think what would have happened if an observant member of the crowd saw my son alone and calling out for his mom and dad, connected the dots and saw me calling out his name. So, he stoops down by my son and says, “Hey, Bud. I see your parents right over there. Don’t be scared. Look, I see your dad right there!” and he points to me and stands with my son until I get there.
You see, this is how Paul is communicating to the people he’s writing to in Philippians. He’s not just telling them not to be anxious. He himself was writing from a jail cell because of sharing the Gospel. His audience was those who were struggling with persecution from a culture that hated them. Many had lost their livelihoods, their friends, and were faced with possibly even losing their lives. Paul’s words here are words of joy and comfort because through it all, “The Lord is at hand.” He’s right here with you.
If the counsel is simply, “Do not be anxious” because God said so, we have laid a burden on a sufferer that God never intended. In reality, this passage is meant to lift the burden of anxiety rather than heap guilt and shame on top of it. It is meant to be that friend that comes alongside and points to the Father and goes, “It’s OK. Your Heavenly Father is right there. God is here with you.”
The Lord is at Hand
If you’re asking, “How does it help that the Lord is here with me? I still have bills to pay!” Maybe your family member still has a serious health problem, or you have a critical decision that HAS to be made and needs direction. These verses are not meant to say those things don’t matter or bring their stresses or weight with them. The Lord’s presence doesn’t always immediately make the bodily symptoms of anxiety go away. These words are meant to tell us to take those stresses and circumstances straight to the Father who loves us, and is actively present in our circumstances.
Let me ask, how did my presence change anything for my son? The crowd was still there and all his circumstances were the exact same as they had been moments before. Nothing had changed but everything had changed. When he was found he no longer had to worry about being alone or feeling the burden of ownership of what to do. After some time of tears and allowing his body to calm down, he was the happy little boy once again because he didn’t need to rely on himself alone to figure out his circumstances. His confidence was found when he realized his mom and dad were near. The same is true for us as believers with our Heavenly Father.
This truth of comfort is described throughout all of Scripture. God is seen as a strong tower, a fortress, a comfort, a rock – all metaphors to help us understand where our security and stability in difficult times is found.
1 Peter 5:7 sums all these thoughts together beautifully,
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
When I Refuse My Father’s Hand
If my son had seen my face, shook his head, and kept walking in the other direction, it really would not have made any sense. I cannot imagine any child pushing away a parent in that situation. This then is where sinful anxiety brings bondage. It’s when we face our circumstances and refuse our Father’s hand. When we turn our face from Him and refuse to turn over control to His loving presence. It’s just as senseless for us with God as it would be with a child.
If you are struggling to see where God is in your circumstances, and you are experiencing the stresses of wondering what to do, we here at BCA want to be that friend who comes alongside you to help you see how God is near. We want to navigate with you towards being able to rest in His presence if anxiety has gripped your heart. If you think you may be struggling to hand control of your life over to God, we want to care for you and help you see why God is worthy of your trust and love as a perfect Father. However anxiety might manifest in your heart and mind, we look forward to working alongside you!
For Further Study:
Running Scared - By Ed Welch
Overcoming Fear, Worry, and Anxiety - by Elyse Fitzpatrick
Steadfast and Stable - by Monte Leavell
