Who is the Boss of You?
by Kathi Bishop
After telling us of his second divorce, our friend confessed, “I'm a bad picker”. He believes that he chooses the wrong women. As you may guess, I don't agree. Listening to him I hear that lust may be being the boss of him, not Jesus.
As I sit with women complaining about their husbands and what she says she must do to make him happy many times (unless it's abuse) I hear that fear is the boss of her, not Jesus.
Emotions are terrible decision-makers. Only Jesus is the Savior.
Many things can be the boss of a person. Idol worship is alive and active.
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. James 4:1-4
Who is the Boss of You?
Do you let lust or fear push you into unhealthy relationships?
What happens to your “picker” when she doesn't like what you do? When she tells you something she thinks needs to change? Is anger instead of discussion the result? Do you feel rejected?
What happens to you women when you hear criticism? Feel rejected? Feel disapproval? Or, in this relationship do you feel safe to share your ideas, your feelings, your preferences, and your perspectives? When fear is your driver- you cannot be free to respectfully challenge, confront, and even strengthen another human.
Finally, let me ask you this, “If you believed that your picker was healed, what would be different for you?” Write those things down.
We know that toxic relationships can deform us. They can cause us to lose who we truly are, the best parts of ourselves can remain immature, and undernourished. And…if you’re concerned that your picker may not be fully healed, how do you heal that part of yourself?
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
By doing your work to strengthen your sense of identity. You begin to uncover who you are in Christ. Psalm 139 reminds you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and that your souls will know it full well.
Friend, you are who God says you are. You are a new creature in Christ.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
You have been set free in Christ. It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)
Jesus is Our Boss.
I pray His voice will be the loudest one you hear. You can discover and take ownership of who you are. You have the opportunity each day to and receive the gift of courage to step into self-awareness, self-stewardship, self-love and self-care.
You can begin this process by asking yourself what your deepest values and your highest virtues may be. Not what they “should” be, but what is important to you. Ask the Spirit of God to show you what you cannot see on your own. He is so faithful.
I believe that to have healthy relationships, we need to be healthy ourselves. To grow to be healthy we need to do our own inner work.
Following Jesus is the start. Growing in Christ is the constant journey.
