The Character of a Forgiver - Philemon Pt. 3
by Joe Leavell
“I say to the glory of God and in utter humility that whenever I see myself before God and realize even something of what my blessed Lord has done for me, I am ready to forgive anybody and anything.”
“I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints.” – Philemon 4-5
Whipping, prison, sent to work in hostile conditions, branded ‘fugitivus’ on their forehead, sold into the gladiator arena, amputation, or even execution by crucifixion. These were among the common possibilities that could have awaited Onesimus, the 1st-century Roman runaway slave, if he ever was caught or returned to his former master, Philemon.
The only thing standing in his way of this horrific torment if he were to return?
Philemon’s godly character.
The Character of Philemon
In this short letter, before Paul ever brings up the subject of forgiving Onesimus, he shares a greeting with Philemon, which is full of thankfulness for Philemon’s godly character. It’s obvious, just from the way Paul writes, that Philemon isn’t simply a mere acquaintance. Philemon had come to Christ under Paul’s ministry and is a dear friend whom Paul had labored with side by side for the sake of the Gospel. They likely hadn't seen each other in 10 years or more, and Paul shares kind words of his memories with him, even expressing that he regularly prays for him.
Paul also shares that he heard of the love and faith that he has, not just towards Christ, but for all the saints. How did he find out about this? Perhaps it was even from Onesimus himself, who had reported on the godly character of his former master.
He’s expressing it in a way that shows us that Philemon had consistent character.
Here is someone who was actively involved in serving and leading at his church. He had the reputation of being loving, kind, and a steady presence. He didn’t just show up to the church and leave without building meaningful relationships but rather was a key part of building connections with others. Philemon shared his life and his resources generously. He brought joy to his friendships, and a comforting calm because of his love for them. He refreshed the hearts of others who were tired and troubled. He not only strengthened them physically but also emotionally and spiritually.
He did all these things, not because of how he would benefit, or to make himself look better to those observing. He did this for the sake of Christ. For Philemon, it was about the Gospel, and what Christ had done for him that compelled him to move closer to others.
Think about it. Paul is not praising Philemon’s social status, his ethnicity, his gender, or his politics. I didn’t see musical preferences come up here either. He didn’t mention his age group or his hobbies! None of that could even have mattered when Onesimus returned to own up to his sin and seek restoration. The only way to repair this broken relationship was their shared faith in Jesus Christ that Paul knew Philemon so evidently lived out!
A Command or a Request?
Could Paul have commanded Philemon to forgive? He could have said something like he said to the church in Ephesus,
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
Or, he could say to Philemon similar words that he did when he commanded the Colossians, “…if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
He knows that he has the right to command him to forgive and restore Onesimus. Yet, he gives no such command.
Paul says it this way,
“Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you.” - Philemon 8-9
Paul appealed to Philemon’s godly character which gave him confidence that the word “love” would matter even more than a command. Paul’s plea for Onesimus then flows right out of the Gospel that he knows Philemon already believes and already lives out. It is for love’s sake. Whose love? His love for Paul? His love for Christ? Paul’s love for him and Onesimus? Christ’s love for them all? The answer to each of these is a resounding, “Yes!” Love mattered enough to Philemon that Paul knew appealing to love would be a compelling enough reason to receive Onesimus back.
Can you imagine if Philemon had little regard for Christ and no love for other people? Onesimus’ life or death hinged on this point! Forgiveness flows from love for Christ and love for others! If he had no regard for Christ, or God’s people, would Philemon have even truly understood the request? Would he have just said that Onesimus gets what’s coming to him legally and sent him out to be fodder for the gladiator games?
What About Our Character?
Yes, I know that forgiveness isn’t easy and yes, I do understand that there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, which we will look at soon. There really was a debt and restitution to be paid, which Paul addresses in this book. There are many objections to forgiveness that Paul simply and confidently addresses by reflecting on the Gospel. Yet, Paul is confident that through all of the potential objections to forgiving Onesimus, it was the character that Christ had built into Philemon’s heart and life that would be the driving force for forgiveness.
Let me ask, how would this short book in Scripture play out if you were the one who was being asked to do the forgiving? If you were the one who had been wronged and now true reconciliation was possible how would you respond? What would it look like if you held all the cards and the one who hurt you had his future or his very life in your hands? If it were you, would Paul have had to tiptoe around you, to make sure you weren’t offended at the audacity of his appeal to love?
Or, would Paul be confident through his relationship, and the reports that he gets from those who know you well, that you have the character of a forgiver? Would he commend you for your love and charity to the saints, and be confident in your love? Would he need to begin by instructing you in the Gospel, and in Christ’s love and forgiveness towards you?
In a vindictive world that holds deep grudges and is marked by bitterness, may we have the character of one who forgives for the sake of love.
If you are struggling with forgiveness or bitterness, please reach out today!
————
If you’ve been blessed with the ministry of BCA, please consider donating to our non-profit to help others receive biblical counseling, here.
————
For Further Study:
Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I: by Tim Keller
The Peacemaker: By Ken Sande
Relationships: A Mess Worth Making: by Timothy S. Lane, Paul David Tripp
