Revenge or Forgiveness? - Philemon Pt. 4
by Joe Leavell
The first part of the showdown between Marvel’s Avengers and Thanos called, “Infinity War'' came out in 2018. Not everyone was able to go to the theater to see it right away so the internet was full of requests not to spoil the movie. I remember reading one story about a man who posted on Instagram that he hadn’t gotten to watch it yet, so he requested of everyone, “no spoilers please.”
Well, some internet troll got onto his page and told him everything that happened, laughing at him for his request for it not to be spoiled. Not nice to be sure! So, what did the original guy do in return? He jokingly told the troll that he had already seen it, laughed it off, and actually befriended the guy on Instagram.
After that, for the next full year they shared jokes, memes, and various stories and became seemingly good friends. When Avengers: End Game finally released, the original man that had requested no spoilers for Infinity War went and saw the movie opening night just to make sure an internet troll could not ruin it for him again!
This time was different. He not only made sure the movie wasn’t spoiled for himself, but he took pictures of all the pivotal main scenes. What did he do with them? He posted them one by one to the internet troll he had befriended, with detailed spoilers of how everything turned out in the movie!
The troll was shocked and said, “I thought we were friends!” The man told him that the sole reason he had befriended him was in order to get him back. He had never intended to forgive him for spoiling Infinity War, and had only pretended to care about him for the satisfaction of revenge.
An Appeal for Forgiveness
You may be reading this because you are facing a real issue or struggle. You may have a frustrating spouse who you regularly go tit-for-tat in verbal duels.
You may be thinking of walking out on a job because of a boss who is unkind to you or overlooking you for that promotion.
Your kids may have just slammed the door in defiance and disobedience, so you have found yourself in a yelling match with them about their behavior. Now you know exactly how to make them suffer for their disrespect.
Maybe you are thinking of doing something extreme, even considering being unfaithful to your spouse, simply because they hurt you first so grievously in the past.
I don’t know your situation, but as we dive deeper into the book of Philemon, I want to share with you that this short book presents something far more difficult but better than satisfying our thirst for revenge:
Forgiveness
As we saw in our previous articles in this particular series, here, here, and here, Paul had already praised Philemon for his love and his care for Christ and the saints. He had prayed for him, and now we get to the main body of the letter where he asks Philemon to forgive Onesimus.
How can Paul talk about forgiveness after all the wrong that Philemon had suffered? Why is he not talking about all the ways that Philemon could make Onesimus pay?! After all, Onesimus probably not only stole money to fund his getaway, but Philemon would have also had to replace his work with someone else, and there was no hope that Onesimus would pay him back.
Now, here he is, coming back and handing a letter from Paul to Philemon, asking him to receive Onesimus back, and to not only NOT make him suffer, but to receive him as a brother? In the Roman culture, Philemon would have every right and reasonable expectation for revenge. Yet this appeal is certainly not an eye for an eye or tooth for tooth! How could Paul do that to him? How can God ask the same of us?
An Appeal from Relationship
Paul introduces himself as an apostle in 6 different books, but not here. In this short letter, he calls himself a “prisoner for Christ Jesus.” He speaks of his condition rather than his authority. He could command as an Apostle. He had a sort of a rank or authority he could pull, but he chose not to.
Paul was a relatively old man for the time at about 60 or so. With all that Paul had endured, his body would have been in pretty bad shape, so he reminds Philemon that he is not only in prison, but, by the way, it’s because he has been preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Now, it’s important to note, Paul is not intending this to be manipulative. He’s calling Philemon back to his own relationship with Paul by referencing their joint friendship and partnership in the work of the Gospel together. He had already told Philemon that he was regularly praying for him, giving God thanks for him. He reminded Philemon of his character and their relationship.
So, rather than relying on his apostolic authority that he had been given directly from Christ, Paul writes in a way that assumes that even if Philemon wouldn’t want to forgive and restore his former slave, he would do it for the sake of the close friendship they had shared.
In essence, how Philemon treated Onesimus was how he would treat his relationship with Paul.
Again, there are no commands here to Philemon. There are no doctrinal principles or Scriptures quoted. There is just a quiet reminder of the importance of the relationship that Philemon shared with Paul. This appeal here is that their bond with one another would be enough to keep Philemon from retribution towards his former slave to receiving him as a brother in Christ.
An Appeal from the Gospel
It is interesting that while this letter doesn’t contain any commands, there’s a good chance that Onesimus was also carrying along Paul’s letter to the Colossian church as well, where Philemon is thought to have lived. That letter does give the command to forgive as a response to our lives being hid in Christ through his forgiveness of our sins.
Colossians 3:12-15, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness , and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.”
Doesn’t this passage reflect the situation between Philemon and Onesimus well?
One other letter Paul wrote around that same time to the church in Ephesus, located about 120 miles to the west of Colossae, says this,
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you!” (31-32)
How much does God call us to forgive others their trespasses against us? Only as much as he, through Christ, has forgiven us. So remember, believers are not required to forgive anyone any more than we have been forgiven by Christ in taking on all of our sins on himself.
That’s a very high bar to say the least!
Throughout the Old Testament and the New, we see a God who graciously forgives those who repent, time and time again! Mercy and forgiveness reflect his character, culminating fully in the cross of Christ. Forgiveness then is the only response that reflects our own forgiveness and justification by God! He gives us everything we need to go from a heart of revenge to forgiveness.
The very center of Paul’s appeal for forgiveness is the reflection of Christ’s call for us all to forgive. While he could appeal to his authority over us and say, “I am God and I command you to forgive!” the Lord doesn't do that. He appeals to our relationship with him, his love and compassion for us, and tells us to emulate that forgiving relationship into the lives of others.
Perhaps we struggle to forgive because we do not see the value of the relationship as worthy of our forgiveness. Yet we are not called to forgive first because we think the relationship is worth it. We forgive because Jesus is worthy! We do not forgive because they worked to get back in our good graces, we forgive because of Jesus' work on the cross. We don’t forgive because of their sorrow. We forgive because of Jesus’ love.
The Gospel truly gives us everything we need to go from someone who would look for payback because of sin done to us, and instead, would pay it forward because of grace given to us.
In the end, how we treat others who have sinned against us is how we treat our relationship with the One who has forgiven us for our own sins against him.
Next time: The Difference between Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Many who hear appeals to forgiveness struggle because they have been taught that forgiveness means that you automatically restore the relationship to where it was before the offense. That simply does not bear true with this example from Philemon or the rest of Scripture. In the coming weeks we will look at how forgiveness does not necessarily mean restoration.
If you have questions about forgiveness or are struggling with a vindictive heart, please give us a call and we would love to talk with you about how the Gospel frees us to forgive from a heart of love and gratitude. Please reach out today!
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For Further Study:
Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I: by Tim Keller
The Peacemaker: By Ken Sande
Relationships: A Mess Worth Making: by Timothy S. Lane, Paul David Tripp
