Church Hurt and the Missing Pastor
by Joe Leavell
One of my most controversial sermon illustrations came, when as a young pastor, I decided to answer the question, “What would everyone do if the pastor didn’t show up to church one Sunday?”
Where’s the Pastor?
As the service time approached, no one in the seats knew why the pastor hadn’t shown up yet. Where was I? I was hiding right next to the baptismal in the back of the building. There, as the clock continued towards the time of the service, I waited, close enough to hear what would happen without being seen.
Thankfully, my phone was on vibrate as calls began to come in from various congregants. I heard people walking around the church exterior. One person almost found me as he called out for me near the baptismal.
Time ticked on. I continued to sit in my hiding spot as the service began. One of our faithful deacons decided he would take responsibility to start our service. I heard him say, “Well, I’m not sure where our pastor is, but it’s time to get started, so let’s go ahead and sing.” Ours was a rural church and I was slated to lead singing that morning, so that left our poor deacon to lead our congregation through songs he hadn’t been prepared to lead.
From my hiding place, I continued to listen as the church pressed on through the service without me.
It was time for the announcements.
After a few words of, “I hope the pastor’s OK, or at least has a good explanation for this!” our deacon led in our last song, and then in prayer. I was touched as he prayed for me by name, asking God to protect me…wherever I was.
After he said, “Amen,” I decided I had tortured him long enough and wouldn’t make him scramble to figure out what to do for a sermon. I stepped out through the side door and on to the platform.
People turned and looked, including our valiant deacon who had stood in my gap. He held a mixed look that showed relief and, “I’m going to kill you if you don’t have a really good reason for this!”
I thanked him and apologized profusely for the necessity of him leading due to my disappearance. As he returned to his seat, I stood behind the pulpit and asked the congregation to stand and turn to our passage.
I looked around and began to read the text, which says in part,
“The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together”
What is The Same Care?
In the church at Corinth, members thought some of the spiritual gifts were better than others. Some of the gifts of the Spirit were more in front of others, while others were less prominent. Those who were able to speak in tongues, or had been gifted in being able to prophesy, looked down on those who could not do so as ‘lesser’ than they were. Why? Because they felt they were more needed in the church than, say, those who were gifted in hospitality or service. Paul uses the illustration of a body to show that the variety of gifts, like the parts of the body, all serve an essential function. The less impressive parts of the body sometimes are the most important.
We tend to have the same hierarchy of importance in our churches as well, as noted by my illustration. Why? Because it would be completely obvious if no one showed up to give the sermon on Sunday. What would we do if the musicians all decided to take the day off? However, what if a greeter didn’t show up? What about a nursery volunteer? People would still have to scramble, but it would be tangibly easier to find a replacement.
So, we tend to place greater honor and care more for the parts of the body of Christ that fewer people are able to do. Why? Because their absence would be keenly felt during the service on Sunday. However, just like our bodies don’t hibernate 6 days a week, Jesus’ Church was never intended to exist only on Sunday. It is designed to actively function throughout the week. In this way, there are many more needs in the body than simply those who preach, teach, or lead. Even though each works together for a common purpose of supporting the body, we simply don’t see them as prominently.
Interestingly, I wasn’t the only one missing the day I didn’t show up. For my part, I had gotten phone calls and had seen people walking around the church grounds wondering if there was a place that I may have disappeared to. Thankfully, I had intentionally not told my wife where I was hiding so she could truthfully say that she didn’t know where I was. Yet, did anyone else even notice that others were missing and ask around if anyone had seen them? No. Why were they missing? Their absence was expected from time to time, and their leaving on a given Sunday didn’t leave any gaps in the service.
Scripture here, however, indicates that the body is to be so connected with one another that the absence of one of its members, not just on Sunday, but in general, would be felt and noticed. That doesn’t mean that the next time you go on vacation the whole church is scouring the facilities looking for you. However, it means that there are those whose lives you are involved in throughout the week.
The arm isn’t connected to the foot directly, but it is connected through other parts. So it is with the church. People are linked together, through small groups, ministering together, counseling together, etc. They know, not just that you are gone, but they know where you went on vacation, and are excited to talk with you about it when you get back.
As my illustration noted, we notice when the prominent and connected members are absent, but what would happen if you stepped away tomorrow? Would anyone notice? Would anyone care?
When The Church Doesn’t Care
There are many reasons why people who love Jesus have taken a step away from the church, but none of those reasons are a result of something healthy.
Many times, those who come to us for counseling because of church hurt, do so because of some significant difficulty in their life that their church family didn’t even notice. Worse, the church did notice and then did little to nothing to help. They are struggling in their marriages or in parenting. Some have addiction issues or are dealing with extreme levels of grief and anguish. Eating disorders and same-sex attraction is on the rise and some churches have not seemingly noticed or cared.
For some, it’s simply because they never ‘plugged in.’ They may attend the service on Sunday but haven’t stepped in to serve or build connections with others. These have a consumer mentality that the church exists to serve them. In these cases, like the deacon who had to step up when I didn’t show, the body may be too busy scrambling to compensate for a lack of volunteers to have time to notice. Like someone who learns to compensate for a missing leg, the rest of the body is having to make do with fewer participants. In part, counseling through these perspectives is focused on learning a biblical understanding of community, rather than our culture of passive consumerism.
However, some individuals have been deeply plugged in, but their church still didn’t show care when it was really needed. In some cases, they are on the losing end of a “Corinthian” type church culture where the prominence and attention are on the Sunday event and those who use their ‘showy’ gifts. They have seen that unless they are a person in the church who is normally in front of people, or a popular key leader, their pain isn’t really noticed, and soon they conclude their absence won’t be noticed either.
In some darker cases, cliques and nepotism exist among those who have found favoritism with church leadership. The ones who are prioritized in care are those who give lots of money or those who are being groomed for leadership. Others in these kinds of churches come and go out of the back doors without being seen or known when they realize that only the ‘inner circle’ is seen as valuable.
There are times when the person hurting IS the person in leadership. They are struggling with deep issues of life, but they fear what would happen if anyone knew. They wonder, does their congregation care about THEM as a fellow believer, or do they simply get attention when they live up to expectations? These are also on the losing end of a “Corinthian” mindset that sees them merely as a performer, rather than a person. Many have left ministry disillusioned because the congregation did not truly care for them or their family.
There are many other reasons why people have been wounded by the church and come seeking help to forgive and heal. Interestingly, these reasons are not ‘big church/small church’ problems. All these can happen in various-sized congregations.
Called to Compassion
The challenge of church hurt is that, while the church is capable of some of the greatest pain imaginable, God has designed it so that it is also impossible to fully heal from those wounds without the love and care of a healthy church community. The love and compassion of Christ towards each of us equally, pastor and congregant alike, proclaimed in the truth of the Gospel up in front at church every Sunday manifests in our hearts through our service to one another in between. This is done in the context of the church community. For this reason, getting immersed into the life of a church congregation is an important part of your counseling journey. T
At Biblical Counseling of Arizona, each of our counselors are deeply involved in their own congregation and serves in various capacities. We see our care for you as an outworking of the care of the church. We aren’t in a hurry and we understand that the process of healing may take some significant time. We are honored to walk alongside you to help you recover and grow in your understanding of God’s good design of the body of Christ caring for one another.
Please reach out today!
For Further Study:
9 Marks of a Healthy Church - by Mark Dever
Love or Die: Christ’s Wake-Up Call to the Church - by Alexander Strauch
The Church as a Culture of Care: Finding Hope in Biblical Community - By T. Dale Johnson Jr.
